LOST, FOUND, FORGIVEN Eric LeMarque

[00:00:00] On this episode of the Amped Up211 Podcast, we're diving into the incredible story of Eric LeMarque,

[00:00:06] a former pro hockey player, Olympian, and snowboarder whose life took a dramatic turn

[00:00:11] when a series of decisions left him stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountains for eight days.

[00:00:17] Eric's journey of survival, overcoming addiction, and finding faith after the amputation of both of

[00:00:22] his legs is nothing short of inspiring. Eric's story is about resilience, transformation,

[00:00:27] and the power of second chances. Stay tuned for an unforgettable conversation.

[00:00:40] Eric LeMarque, good to see you today, sir. How are you?

[00:00:43] Doing good. Thank you for having me today.

[00:00:46] Oh, such a pleasure. And I'm glad you were able to do this again because our first attempt

[00:00:51] did not come to fruition. We had some technical difficulties last time we tried to meet,

[00:00:58] and I appreciate your patience and sticking to it and being on the Amped Up211 Podcast.

[00:01:05] The thing I want to do right away, just as a form of indulgence for myself, is I am very much

[00:01:14] a moviegoer, and I want to talk about the movie, about your life, about your struggle.

[00:01:21] Six Below is just an incredible odyssey into what you went through, which as famously, you lost both of your legs,

[00:01:41] you know, trying to navigate an incredibly difficult experience in your life. Remarkable stuff. And I guess my

[00:01:54] first curiosity goes to how was it that your story was one that they picked up on, that someone picked up

[00:02:04] on and said, we've got to make this into a movie. How did that come about?

[00:02:10] It came about, I had written a book titled Crystal Clear back in 2009. And the book was so well written.

[00:02:20] I had a professional writer who helped me write it, but it had a lot of hands-on to the book as well.

[00:02:27] So I was contacted by an in-between producer who had read the book and said, this in itself could be,

[00:02:36] you know, a screenplay. And is it okay on your behalf if I submit it to, you know, some producers

[00:02:43] who are looking to do these redemptive type stories from, you know, pushing the envelope and right on

[00:02:50] through into four walls in a hospital room in a flat sheet where my Olympic feet used to tent up.

[00:02:55] Um, it was raw. It had, you know, elements that were real and relatable to people. And, uh, that one

[00:03:04] submission turned into, uh, the, the movie Six Below Miracle on the Mountain starring Josh Hartnett.

[00:03:11] Yeah, it was, uh, obviously for, for myself as an amputee, it, it really resonated,

[00:03:19] you know, with me because I'm, um, part of the same community as yourself. But I would also recommend

[00:03:28] the movie in terms of this, just this incredible, just struggle that you went through and seeing

[00:03:39] this huge connection between yourself and nature and obviously the themes with your mother and what

[00:03:50] you were going through in terms of addiction. And then somewhat that struggle being a cleansing for you.

[00:03:58] Uh, it's, it's, it's, there's so many layers to the film in terms of not only is it, yes, this,

[00:04:10] you know, this survival story, this, um, this grit kind of oriented theme of, you know, pushing,

[00:04:18] pushing through these barriers to survive all of that. But it also goes much deeper because there's,

[00:04:26] there's other themes at play in terms of addiction and loss and redemption and all of these other

[00:04:35] things that will resonate with people who haven't lost a limb, but are just struggling in life. Um,

[00:04:44] you know, obviously it was very, very well acted, very portrayed, you know, portrayed beautifully.

[00:04:49] And it's, it's, it's always amazing to me how situations like that where I marvel at the landscape

[00:04:58] because it's shot in such an incredible way. And with you snowboarding and these beautiful landscapes

[00:05:06] and this sort of pivots to, oh no, like this is a horrible set of circumstances.

[00:05:18] And I mean, in terms of, and it's, you know, it's no, it's no big secret that, you know, Hollywood tends to

[00:05:27] massage things to a certain degree. Um, especially with, you know, uh, you know, biographical stuff.

[00:05:36] If you were to say, cause obviously it's about you, how much of the film would you say percentage

[00:05:42] wise is accurate? Uh, let's say compared to some embellishments or some storytelling.

[00:05:51] I would, I would say about 25%. Okay. Um, you know, I, I really wish that, you know, like I had

[00:06:00] shared earlier on that, uh, the screenplay was already written with the book. And so, you know,

[00:06:06] it's interesting to see your life and I'm very proud of the work. Uh, please don't get me wrong by,

[00:06:10] by saying, uh, 25% or, you know, comparing the, um, the book crystal clear to, you know,

[00:06:19] what the actual screenplay was written as. And I'm sure it's, it's done for a number of facets

[00:06:26] and a number of reasons, but, uh, it, it was interesting. And, and, uh, you know,

[00:06:33] I remember the first time I saw it, I was at the director's Bay and they were still editing the

[00:06:40] film and they finally, you know, let me see it. And, um, you know, it was, it was quite emotional.

[00:06:46] Um, you know, even if it was just 25% of the actual, uh, events that had occurred.

[00:06:54] Yeah. And, and that's, believe it or not, that's kind of what I would, I guess, uh, forecast or

[00:07:04] predict because again, for many different reasons, and we don't have to get into, you know, why movies

[00:07:11] are made and how they need to be marketed and all those things. There has to be a mass appeal and

[00:07:16] all that stuff. Um, because it's about making money. We know that at the same time, my assumption

[00:07:23] was, well, you know, I'm sure there's some, some, some core things that very much are, are based in

[00:07:30] fact, but then there, there's storytelling involved. So for someone, let's say that has only seen the

[00:07:36] movie, what would be something you would want to tell them that is divergent of that to say,

[00:07:44] well, here's some other things that I think are important in terms of my story, more based in

[00:07:52] my personal experience, let's say the real facts of what happened to me on the mountain.

[00:07:58] What would be something you would want to say to someone?

[00:08:02] I, I would have to say that it would be the bigger mountains that I faced in the years to come. You

[00:08:09] know, number one, I had made horrible decisions and decided to quit my professional hockey career and

[00:08:17] become a professional snowboarder who ended up breaking bad and becoming, uh, essentially an

[00:08:23] eighth month, eight month addict where I was snorting crystal meth up my nose. I was smoking marijuana.

[00:08:31] I was drinking alcohol and that was my, you know, recipe. And at the same time, the athlete that was,

[00:08:37] you know, always in me, um, was still working out, playing hockey, snowboarding. And I was aspiring to,

[00:08:45] to reach, uh, you know, the, the X games and border cross, but really who was I kidding? Because I was

[00:08:53] no more different than the most ravaged speed freak. You'd see tweaking obsessing over every

[00:08:59] minuscule detail. And so number one, big mountain was learning to forgive myself. And that took years,

[00:09:07] you know, the mountain and the eight days and the 10 miles that I traversed and facing wild animals and,

[00:09:14] and, uh, the beauty, as you had mentioned before can suddenly turn into a snowboarding trip gone horribly

[00:09:23] wrong. And mother Nate and, and, and, and then you're beholden to mother nature at her worst and at her

[00:09:31] best. And so that was one of the mountains. The other mountain was, you know, I had to learn how to

[00:09:37] redefine myself. I had always done sports. I'd always, uh, you know, that, that was essentially

[00:09:45] my means to an end. And, and, uh, you know, I was a professional hockey player. That's all I'd ever

[00:09:50] done. I had transferred over into working for Easton sports. Um, and then I was teaching hockey.

[00:09:57] So I had to learn to reinvent myself. And that was very humbling at 40 years old, taking an entry level

[00:10:03] job in a software company. Uh, another big facet, another big, uh, reality was I had to learn to put

[00:10:11] the little boy to bed and the man in me rose up and started to ask for help. And that was utilizing

[00:10:19] amputee groups, use a lot utilizing mental health groups, utilizing all the different competitive

[00:10:27] advantages that I learned as a professional athlete. I had to do in my real life and accept

[00:10:33] and go through all those stages of loss and change and use every resource that was available to me.

[00:10:40] Wow. Yeah, that's man, what an awesome answer. And that is a lot to unpack. I mean, there,

[00:10:46] there's a lot there and I, I, I appreciate you giving me so much to sort of take a look at and,

[00:10:54] and, and peel back the layers on, you know, do you feel like, you know, those eight days,

[00:11:02] had you not been in the condition that you were in, you know, outside of the drug use, but just,

[00:11:10] you know, physically, you know, your fitness level and that you could literally snowboard down a

[00:11:17] mountain. Um, because I think to myself, even just watching the movie, I think,

[00:11:24] like, like your average Joe, like, you're not going to make it through that. Like you're just,

[00:11:30] that is, that is against some pretty steep odds. Wouldn't you agree with that?

[00:11:37] Oh, I would. And, you know, thankfully, as I shared, you know, I was in, you know, elite shape. My diet

[00:11:43] was horrible because I would crave sugar, um, you know, coming down from, from crystal meth and,

[00:11:50] and just the way I was living my life was, you know, uh, just polluted and throughout. And so

[00:12:01] I just can thank God, the universe, something bigger than my six foot view that at least I had

[00:12:09] the DNA makeup of an athlete. And, you know, I, I, it's incredible because when you push, when you're

[00:12:18] pushed to the limits, uh, my will to live was much more, um, powerful than the addictive, destructive,

[00:12:27] uh, decisions and behaviors that I had as an addict. Yeah. So that allowed me to stay in shape.

[00:12:35] It allowed me to, to, to, to, to still be true to the person that I was meant to be because I, I,

[00:12:41] I need that addiction as, as an athlete. I'm an adrenaline junkie. And because of that, I was in

[00:12:48] such physical fit, uh, shape that I was able to, you know, sustain losing 46 pounds traveling,

[00:12:56] you know, 10 miles, um, each day was sub freezing. So, you know, and, and, and then every,

[00:13:02] every single hard assed individual that I had come across in, in going to the national hockey league

[00:13:09] and going to the Olympics and going to the world championships, they demanded a lot from me. And in

[00:13:14] turn, I demanded a lot from myself. And I, it was never a decision on the mountain that it was okay

[00:13:21] that I give up no matter what, whether I had to crawl inch by inch or moment by moment, I was going

[00:13:27] to survive because I put myself into that situation and it was my responsibility to get out. So I

[00:13:32] never thought that, Oh gosh, you're never going to make it. It wasn't until the eighth day that I'll

[00:13:37] share with you later on in the conversation that I had, I started to fall asleep and I started to

[00:13:44] get worried at that time. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, and I appreciate you giving such a, such a robust response

[00:13:52] to that. Um, as far as the drug abuse, this was something that, do you think the drug abuse played

[00:14:01] a role in pulling you away from hockey and transitioning to snowboarding? Or was that

[00:14:06] something that you sort of, you know, dabbled in at one point and it just accelerated? I mean,

[00:14:13] what was the evolution behind those addictions? Well, you know, having played hockey, I had a few

[00:14:20] dollars in my pocket and it's very easy to make friends when you start to, you know, hang out with

[00:14:28] the wrong type of crowd. And, you know, I found myself, uh, starting to, to, to, to miss hockey.

[00:14:36] And because I had yet evolved into the professional snowboarder that I wanted to be. And so alcohol

[00:14:43] was a gateway to marijuana, to cocaine and eventually meth and eventually that eight month addiction. So,

[00:14:52] um, yeah, it's, it can happen to, to anybody so fast once we miss an element of something that

[00:15:00] gave us, you know, uh, our livelihood and, and, you know, our core base of who we were.

[00:15:07] Yeah. I think, um, you know, supplementing, filling those holes, you know, I, I, I've spoken to

[00:15:15] plenty of people that have struggled through addiction and being able to trace it back to something,

[00:15:23] you know, whether that is dealing with pain, trying to, uh, you know, bring some form of energy back

[00:15:34] into their lives. And I'm always astounded as well as how often people can be functioning

[00:15:42] during those periods. You could be pursuing a snowboarding career while managing an addiction,

[00:15:52] and, uh, I know specifically, um, even now people that are struggling with some form of substance abuse,

[00:16:03] but they just go about their day. Somehow they sort of weave it into their life and their lifestyle.

[00:16:12] And most people around them, coworkers, you know, loved ones may not even, um, realize what's happening

[00:16:24] because they do such a, such a great job of sort of keeping it under wraps, so to speak. Uh, and

[00:16:35] I think it is, and to echo what you were saying about, you know, becoming, becoming a man, you know,

[00:16:43] letting, letting go of the little boy in you and being able to reach out for help, being able to

[00:16:51] recognize that things needed to change. And that was, you know, part of your evolution as a person.

[00:17:00] You know, we all, we all decide at some point when it's time to, to be the adult in the room.

[00:17:08] And, um, that can be, you know, that can come from a catalyst of many forms. We, we all, we,

[00:17:16] we can all have those moments where we say, okay, this is, this is my time. This is my time to step up.

[00:17:23] This is my time to grow up. And I appreciate your strength in that because very often people will

[00:17:30] make the mistake of thinking that that's some strange form of weakness, which it's not, it's

[00:17:35] nothing but strength to be fully realized. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. You know, meekness is not

[00:17:43] weakness. It's, I'm sure you've heard strength that's, you know, under controlled and under

[00:17:47] control and channeled. It's like, I think I heard the example of taking a horse and breaking it.

[00:17:53] It's still the same horse, but now you've got that strength, which is under control. So that,

[00:17:59] that's a, that's a, that's a big part of, uh, maturity. And it's a big part of being an amputee

[00:18:05] because we have to get over ourselves in our own vanity. You know, I remember when we would go and

[00:18:12] travel around and go to different hotels. And my son is like, dad, you promised you would get in

[00:18:17] the pool. And I was worried about this so-called all American professional athlete. And, you know,

[00:18:25] and now I've got real scars where I could really connect with individuals, but it took my son who

[00:18:32] said, dad, you promised this time that you were coming in the pool. And I was so insecure. And I

[00:18:38] had so much vanity about what people would think about me when I showed my limbs that I finally just like

[00:18:46] punched myself in the face. And I said, Eric, how dare you as a father steal your son's childhood

[00:18:54] and you're going to allow him. He wants to swim with his dad. And so I got over myself. And from

[00:19:01] that day, it took a six year old to get me off of my high horse and get over myself. And then

[00:19:07] as you know, Rick, and so does the community, you know, people come up and they admire you

[00:19:12] and I'm proud of me now. I'm proud. It, you know, I, it took me years and for the people who are

[00:19:20] listening that may be new amputees, that's okay. You're going to get there and you'll find you'll

[00:19:26] become a person that's stronger than the one that you were before. And so I just hope that, you know,

[00:19:33] this, this podcast can be an encouragement to so many in so many different ways today.

[00:19:39] No, I appreciate you saying that because that's really what we're trying to do. It's,

[00:19:44] it's a de-stigmatizing, it's a normalization, but it's also a way to say, we're all part of

[00:19:53] this circumstance. And the, the more we, we communicate, the more we come together as a

[00:20:01] community. And, you know, this is a, this is a really strange time, especially in the United

[00:20:07] States with all this division going on that we can find common ground in things. We can find

[00:20:15] connection points. And I am even to this day, uh, although I'm almost seven years into this journey

[00:20:24] as an amputee. Honestly, Eric, I still will pause at times when I feel, how can I say exposed or

[00:20:38] vulnerable in a situation? And it's, it's, it's, it's becoming less and less for me, but I still have

[00:20:50] those moments where, you know, I'm in shorts that day and, you know, I'm, I parked my car and a family's

[00:20:58] walking by and I pause. And I say to myself, I'm going to wait until they pass before I get out of

[00:21:06] the car because I don't want to be noticed or I don't want to be considered a spectacle or something

[00:21:15] to whisper about, or I just want to go about my day in a, in a, in a very unassuming way.

[00:21:23] And I have to check myself similar to what you're saying. Um, like, why am I doing that?

[00:21:32] What's that all about? Like who, you know, and, and maybe even remind myself in sort of a tough love

[00:21:41] kind of way, Hey, Rick, you're, you're not that important. Like it's, it's not that, it's not that

[00:21:48] big of a deal. Just live your life. Stop it. You know? And, um, there's, there's, there's so many

[00:21:58] feelings that are associated with what we go through and having those community groups and pressing

[00:22:06] into that, um, I think is really important because the more we can have an exchange of ideas,

[00:22:12] the more we can sort of allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable at times, um, the better we can

[00:22:20] process and get on with life, get on with swimming with our son, get on with the good stuff, the things

[00:22:30] that really matter. And, you know, I have a granddaughter now and I mean, you, you would

[00:22:36] think I walk on water because for her, everyone, everyone we come in contact with, she needs to

[00:22:44] educate them on grandpa's robot leg. I mean, we walk up to total strangers and she's like, excuse me,

[00:22:53] excuse me. Um, this is my grandpa and that's a robot leg. I just need you to know that. And,

[00:22:59] you know, for me, it's Emma stop. Like, why are you doing that? But for her, this is actually

[00:23:06] something she's very, very proud of. She's very, uh, taken with it. She's very fascinated with it.

[00:23:15] She, she sees it as unique and special, uh, more so than just being a, being that I'm her grandfather

[00:23:23] and I have to let my guard down and say, okay, uh, let's, let's, let's go down that path together.

[00:23:33] Let's, let's allow that to be something that we connect on because it's important to her and

[00:23:40] I need to get over myself. Um, the thing I wanted to ask you too is, you know, being, uh, uh,

[00:23:48] you know, a double amputee and staying as active as you are. Um, you know, what challenges have you

[00:23:55] faced as far as the prosthetic piece, you know, your prosthesis, um, what was your recovery like?

[00:24:04] How did you assimilate, acclimate, you know, to being active and, you know, what challenges did you

[00:24:12] face along the way? Sure. Um, so, you know, because I've had athletic prowess, I've been very

[00:24:22] blessed and fortunate that, uh, once I put the prosthesis on both of them, I was able to walk

[00:24:28] and it just felt like I was a little bit on stilts. I also though, you know, started to,

[00:24:35] at the time of the accident or not that not accident, I like to say at the time of the survival

[00:24:39] and I was going through all of this, you know, just because, um, I lost my legs didn't mean that

[00:24:48] the attic in me was cut, you know, and now I had access to all this prescription meds. So I kind of

[00:24:54] drowned myself for the first year or so in medication, which was not a smart thing to do.

[00:25:00] You know, I, I wish that I would have asked for an Ertl surgery where they fuse the two bones together

[00:25:08] and it creates a, uh, a pad that's much, much stronger. But, you know, I had to press in and

[00:25:14] find out, you know, what was out there and what was available and being lucky and fortunate to get up

[00:25:20] and move, you know, once I started to, to realize, oh, wow, I'm going to have a normal life, you know,

[00:25:26] I'm going to be able to snowboard and, you know, a year to the date, I wanted to prove it to myself.

[00:25:31] So I snowboarded down, you know, mammoth from top to bottom and, um, you know, just made the

[00:25:37] adjustments and just found the feel, but, you know, it, it took a lot of things, you know, I was

[00:25:43] kicking and screaming going to my first, you know, amputee meeting. But then at that first meeting,

[00:25:50] I realized that a small piece of plastic food wrap can help minimize skin breakdown and actually

[00:25:56] heal even a weight bearing area with some neosporin. So all of these resources and tools helped me to get

[00:26:05] to a place of recovery and it doesn't happen overnight. And, you know, one of the things that

[00:26:12] I've learned is patience and it's when it was a forced patience and because it was forced,

[00:26:20] I started to embrace it and say, it's okay if I don't have all the answers today or tomorrow or the

[00:26:26] next day or in a week or in a month or in a year, but eventually it's coming. And when it does come,

[00:26:31] it's so much more rewarding. And so it'll happen. It'll happen for everybody. What's important is

[00:26:38] that, you know, we stay physically fit, um, uh, right away, you know, in speaking to some people,

[00:26:45] they said, you know, at first, because I'm a BK, so below the knee, uh, on both. And I still have

[00:26:51] six inches of my calf, but you know, at the time this, they were worried about this socket being too

[00:26:57] heavy, but now with the harmony system, um, you know, it adapts and, and it feels like it's attached

[00:27:03] to me when it's functioning correctly. So you just have to, you know, it could be frustrating sometimes

[00:27:10] when things don't work right with the prosthesis, or if you have some pistoning that's happening

[00:27:16] because you've got maybe a small hole in the outside sleeve, um, and you need to put, you know,

[00:27:23] a gator. What I started doing was I started cutting pieces of my old sleeves and pieces of my old liners

[00:27:30] and putting them over the edge just to seal that, uh, that space so that I can get the maximum amount

[00:27:39] of suction. So, you know, you have to be willing to, to try and yet at the same time, not get frustrated

[00:27:46] because there's nothing more frustrating. And every amputee out there that's listening to this can,

[00:27:51] you're watching this can, could, could agree when the equipment's not functioning as it's meant to

[00:27:56] function. And so it's just a matter of, of molding and shaping it and, you know, trying different things

[00:28:05] that are outside the box. And we've seen, I've seen, you know, many, many amputees who have gone on to

[00:28:13] create their own businesses and, and create, you know, certain prostheses that, that have changed,

[00:28:18] that, that are game changing the world. And the harmony system is one of them. The alpine foot is one

[00:28:24] of them. That's one of the things I'm hoping to get. So even though I have my knees, you know,

[00:28:28] they're, it's in a rigid cast. I really don't have as much knee bend as, as I wish I could.

[00:28:34] That will, will, will be a game changer once I do, you know, obtain that alpine foot. So,

[00:28:43] you know, it's, you have two ways to look at things all the time. And it's, it's such as old

[00:28:52] adage, you know, the glass is half full, half empty type thing. And you just have to keep failing

[00:28:57] forward. That's my best advice. And that's what helped me. And that's, that's, that's hockey,

[00:29:03] you know, hockey's a series of failures until you finally get a shot on goal, let alone

[00:29:08] put the puck in the back of the net. So, um, yeah, I appreciate, you know, just the, the opportunities

[00:29:15] that, that, and the resources that are available and in talking in community, you know, we can help

[00:29:22] each other and pass, you know, I told my friend Tommy, who was part of the reason why, you know,

[00:29:28] I'm on your show today that, Hey, you can take a small square of food wrap and put it over a weight

[00:29:35] bearing area that may be, you know, having some skin breakdown with some, you know, spore and,

[00:29:39] and, you know, you'll see it heal in a couple of days. So shout out to Tommy and, and yeah,

[00:29:45] shout out to Tom Carlson. It's a good man. He's a good man. He's a good man. And it's funny you say

[00:29:51] that because I have done exactly what you're describing when you said I've taken old liners

[00:29:57] and cut out like little custom inserts where if I felt, if I felt pistoning or I felt margin

[00:30:06] and I thought, okay, I can tell that I have a good fit on about 90%, let's say of my limb,

[00:30:16] but there's this one area today that is just, I can tell I'm, I'm like rattling around and

[00:30:25] ply socks are not going to solve that because a ply sock is an overall increase. It's a 100%

[00:30:35] coverage of increased limb size. A ply sock does not necessarily micromanage

[00:30:43] where that margin is occurring. It just basically blows you up a little bit bigger.

[00:30:49] So it might solve that margin in one area of your limb, but it's also creating all kinds of brand

[00:30:58] new pressure on other areas that might be form fitting. And I've had to do exactly what you

[00:31:06] mentioned, which is, okay, I think I need like a little disc over here and put that in, you know,

[00:31:18] re-step, refit, go back, walk around. Okay. Now I'm getting the kind of rigid feel without creating

[00:31:28] too much pressure, the kind of rigid feel I need to do what I'm trying to do today. So if I'm on a hike,

[00:31:35] because when I'm working, I tend to appreciate a little more of a comfort feel, let's say,

[00:31:46] not necessarily loose, but I don't need to be super binding, super tight. Whereas when I do something

[00:31:55] more active, oh man, I need that, I need my socket to feel like there is absolutely no margin. Like I am,

[00:32:06] it is part of, it is part of me. It is an extension of me. And I can't have any, any, any kind of

[00:32:15] pistoning, any kind of loose feel. No, it's, it's gotta be like, okay, this thing is on like cement.

[00:32:22] And that's, you know, the only way that I can do more active things. The thing I want to circle back

[00:32:30] to that you mentioned at the beginning of that response is going back to Mammoth. My gosh,

[00:32:38] what was that like? Going back and... I think... That's... Sorry, Rick, go ahead. That's incredible.

[00:32:46] I mean, I'm trying to think to myself, could I do that? Could I go back to that place

[00:32:54] that I spent eight days fighting for my life?

[00:33:00] Yeah, I didn't. Fortunately, I didn't have those thoughts coming through my head. I was,

[00:33:07] I guess it was just the stubbornness and the tenacity I had as an athlete that I just needed

[00:33:13] to prove it to myself that I could do it. And whether that was right or wrong, it's different

[00:33:20] for all of us. And at the time, it's what I needed. And, you know, it, it, it, it's just helpful.

[00:33:27] One of the things I wanted to say about also what you were talking about, about your, your limb and,

[00:33:32] and having a piston is I've learned to keep my muscle, any muscle that you have so that you can

[00:33:40] actually fire those muscles in the prosthesis. You know, at the time they wanted it to just be

[00:33:46] conical and actually, you know, just, just atrophy. And somebody said to me, no, no, no, no. You want

[00:33:55] to have that extra muscle so that you can fire it. And so, you know, again, just having, you know,

[00:34:02] those resources and listening to things, but that, that's, you know, an announcement to make to the

[00:34:09] amputee world is, you know, whether they, they want to or not, I'm not so sure because it's been

[00:34:14] 20 years, 19 years that I've had prosthesis now. And so, you know, it's, it's now becoming kind of

[00:34:24] normal when you start to have dreams of able body dreams and then adaptive dreams, as I like to call

[00:34:31] it. You know, I don't like some of the words that people describe whether it's disabled or handicapped.

[00:34:40] So, but yeah, I, I just, once I was able to accomplish, you know, going to the top of Mammoth

[00:34:47] and, and, and kind of, yeah, when I got up top, I took a few deep breaths and reminisce and glanced

[00:34:53] over to the area that where I got trapped and inevitably tried to free myself and went out of bounds.

[00:35:00] And almost off a cliff and 10 miles deeper into mother nature. You know, it was, you know,

[00:35:10] just the, the, the, the mass of how big this year in Nevada mountain range was, was kind of a little

[00:35:18] bit overwhelming, but I didn't stay there and I've learned to master, you know, as we all do,

[00:35:24] I shifted my focus and, and looked at the task of getting down now.

[00:35:29] How do you, how do you feel that your faith played a role in your recovery and everything,

[00:35:37] you know, up until this point?

[00:35:41] Yeah. I mean, it was, it was kind of easy for me because I was at my low bottom when I shared that

[00:35:47] I, you know, was in four walls in a hospital room. In fact, the attic was still in me as I shared and I

[00:35:53] had broken into my morphine machine and up to my dosage and they caught me and they took the machine

[00:35:59] away from me. And I took my plate of food and I threw it at them across the room. Well, they let

[00:36:05] me sit there for three days in my mess and at my low point. And finally, it was about a day or so

[00:36:12] later I started to scream at the walls and demand like, Hey, if God, if Jesus, whoever is real, I dare

[00:36:21] you to, you know, I won't even repeat what I was saying, but I was swearing up and down and saying,

[00:36:28] if you're real, I dare you bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep.

[00:36:32] And so, you know, my heart was kind of open and I was at a place where, you know, I'm like,

[00:36:39] I dare you to show up. And sure enough, you know, Christ came into my life and lifted me up. And

[00:36:46] ever since then, you know, it's proven itself real. And that's what's important. Whatever it is that

[00:36:51] you believe in, whatever you find that speaks back to you and that you can have a relationship,

[00:36:56] it's going to be beneficial. And it's a solid foundation because, you know, if we take the

[00:37:01] the 500, 5,000, 50,000 smartest people in the world that have coursed over this, uh, this planet

[00:37:09] that we live on, they still know about 50% of everything. So I'm not going to bank on a six

[00:37:15] foot view or bank on man. So it's, it's, it's nice. It gave me a very airy and light feeling. It's,

[00:37:22] it's also nice to believe in something bigger than, you know, than, than ourselves.

[00:37:28] Yeah, no, it's a beautiful response.

[00:37:30] So that, yeah. And then it played, you know, it's like anything else, you know, unless you have a

[00:37:37] relationship and you give to that relationship, will you have a benefit? Now, maybe your granddaughter,

[00:37:45] maybe my son, maybe our, our, our, our spouses or, or whoever, you know, even in relationships,

[00:37:52] business relationships, you know, when you press in, you know, when, and there's scripture says,

[00:37:58] when you press into God, he'll press back into you and you'll draw closer to him and he'll draw

[00:38:02] close to you. And it's the same thing, you know, in a relationship with friends, you just feel that,

[00:38:08] that, that bond growing stronger and stronger, the more that we press into each other.

[00:38:12] Yeah, I would agree with that. And I tend to go to this place of, you know, we all, we all have this

[00:38:19] certain amount of energy that we project into the world. And, you know, it can be very, very positive.

[00:38:28] It can be full of light. And unfortunately at times it can, it can be not so pleasant. And

[00:38:36] when, when we can share that, you know, that energy, that light, I, I really feel like human connection is

[00:38:46] one of the most powerful things, um, you know, that we're gifted with while we're, while we're here in

[00:38:52] this space, that we become so much stronger when we combine our energy. And I think that goes back to

[00:39:01] what you mentioned about, you know, community groups and people allowing themselves to be open to that

[00:39:10] and sharing that with others, especially people that have gone through and are going through,

[00:39:16] uh, you know, something, especially for amputees. And I, I tend to believe that large in part

[00:39:26] social media has, has helped, um, a lot of us. I know that there is a lot of tricky landscape in the

[00:39:39] social media sort of ethos. And I've, I've had to take a look at that also because so often I talk to

[00:39:52] amputees that struggle in those spaces because the thing that I've had to explore, especially with the

[00:40:04] podcast and in talking to so many different amputees from various walks of life is this idea of toxic

[00:40:14] positivity and this sort of expectation that every amputee has to be an inspiring story, has to be an inspiration

[00:40:29] for others, has to, uh, be the fittest and the fastest. And, you know, then we start getting into all the folds

[00:40:41] of, you know, ableism and, uh, these are all very, very sort of complex sort of emotional sets. And I think that we have to be patient

[00:40:54] in those conversations. I certainly believe we have to validate when people are feeling that pressure that makes it turn into a toxic situation.

[00:41:08] Um, but I do believe that we have to keep talking and we have to keep trying to understand that everyone's path, everyone's journey

[00:41:18] is a little bit different. And I think you would probably agree coming from sports, especially,

[00:41:27] there are small victories. There are the little things. I was talking to someone the other day

[00:41:33] and I said, well, what's, what's your next, uh, you know, what's your next big milestone? What's your next goal?

[00:41:42] And they said, what do you mean? I said, well, is there something that you're trying to do? And they were in a dark place

[00:41:49] and they said, well, I feel silly telling you that. I said, you know what? Set that aside for just a moment.

[00:41:56] Tell me what it is. As silly as it might seem to you. They said, well, you know what? I'd really like

[00:42:02] to be able to go out and get my mail. I'd really like to be able to walk outside, go to my mailbox

[00:42:10] and walk back. I said, that is, that's an incredibly, incredibly beautiful thing for you to aspire to do.

[00:42:21] Let's figure out how you can do that. What's it going to take for you to wear your prosthesis,

[00:42:28] for you to walk to the mailbox and for you to come back into your house with your mail.

[00:42:35] And all of those, all of those feelings of inadequacy and, you know, not being validated

[00:42:43] and feeling like positivity was a toxic thing for them went away in that moment. What's wrong with a

[00:42:52] small goal? We, we can get behind that. I mean, I want to know when you do that because I'm going to

[00:43:02] be the one that's going to say, that is incredible way to go. You did it. You did it. And then what I

[00:43:10] find in those situations, because I've gone through this myself, it becomes, okay, what's next?

[00:43:18] What's the next thing? What's the next thing I can do? And for someone like yourself saying, okay,

[00:43:29] you know, losing my legs below the knee, given that I did come from a very athletic space,

[00:43:37] very highly conditioned, an elite athlete, an Olympic athlete. Yeah. I, you know, I got fitted for

[00:43:48] prosthesis and I walked. So many of us out there in the community would almost be, hate to say it,

[00:44:00] almost like turned off by that because they've spent the last three years in, you know, some crappy prep

[00:44:12] that wasn't fitted correctly or their fitness level just isn't to a point yet where they, they can bear

[00:44:21] weight in a prosthesis. Um, they're still struggling with, you know, massive fluid shift and they haven't

[00:44:28] really figured out that calculus yet. And there are, you know, we can just keep going and going and

[00:44:34] going as far as the roadblocks that amputees face in that, in that, you know, that new baby bird

[00:44:42] amputee situation. And I tell anyone, it always starts with that one little goal, that one little thing

[00:44:52] that you want to do, even if that means getting out of a chair and walking across the room.

[00:44:59] I don't, I don't care how small it is. That is an accomplishment. And I mean, I'd be interested to

[00:45:08] hear your perspective on that, not just the social media piece and sort of the chatter that I see going

[00:45:17] on out there, but also, um, what you would suggest to someone who feels stuck.

[00:45:25] Yeah. I mean, there's never a goal that's too small. Um, you know, maybe because I was,

[00:45:33] you know, fortunate to have had, um, the prowess of the, that I, that I was blessed with and that I was

[00:45:43] given. And also that, you know, my family helps me obtain and achieve, you know, high level of

[00:45:50] education as well as, uh, you know, my goals. Um, if we continue to fail forward, I would have to say

[00:45:57] no matter what our physical capabilities are, our stronger capabilities are what live in here

[00:46:06] and what live in here and in your soul and your spirit and in your heart and your mind, you're going

[00:46:15] to find the power to take that incremental first step and turn it into 10 incremental steps and give

[00:46:26] yourself the credit that the credit is due because not everybody can transfer. I know that not everybody

[00:46:36] can stand up the first time. I know that, but when you keep failing forward and you never quit,

[00:46:45] I know that you will always, always, always win.

[00:46:50] Very, very wise words. I wanted to talk to you a little bit before we let you go, um, about sport

[00:46:58] and the importance of sport. You come from, you know, uh, hockey, you come from snowboarding,

[00:47:08] you come from an active lifestyle. I know you mentor kids. Um, you know, what's the message you'd

[00:47:15] want to put out there as far as, you know, I always felt like, um, sports were so critically

[00:47:23] important, you know, in my development as a young person, understanding not only how to reach your

[00:47:30] personal best, but also how to be part of a team and how to rely on others, you know, for your success.

[00:47:39] And when, when given a chance to excel, to pursue excellence. And, you know, I always think about

[00:47:47] things my father would say, and he'd say things like, you know, it's not doing, it's not worth

[00:47:54] doing unless you want to be great at it. It's not worth doing unless you want to be excellent. You

[00:48:00] want to pursue excellence, try, you know, try things, experiment. But when you find something

[00:48:08] that you enjoy, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be really, really good at it, you know, pursue

[00:48:15] those things. And I felt like sport was one of those early gateways into seeing how I could push myself

[00:48:24] mentally, physically, all of those things. I mean, what's your perspective on that, especially given

[00:48:30] your history? Well, you know, sport can be, you know, an adage for life. And it could be the challenges

[00:48:41] that we face on a daily basis. I mean, I wouldn't be human if to not say that there's times I don't

[00:48:48] feel like putting this stuff on, and I feel like throwing it through a window. And I've done that. And I

[00:48:54] had to go through all of those stages. And athletics helped me along that path. But life, and like I said,

[00:49:04] who you are in here, in your spirit and soul, and who you can find you can become. Because we're all

[00:49:15] going to face challenges. We're all going to face health issues. And when we learn to find those small

[00:49:24] stages and steps, you know, it's the sport aspect was those little incremental steps where, you know,

[00:49:32] you take a puck or a ball, and you start to move it incrementally up the floor. And it could be the

[00:49:38] same thing in life and the same thing in any kind of challenge that we have. And so I'm very grateful to

[00:49:47] have had the support that I had to be able to, you know, push and have people lift me up in failures.

[00:49:56] And, you know, life is about relationships, because whether it was good, bad, indifferent, or a crime,

[00:50:03] not one of us would be here without two people coming together. And so utilize what you have asked for

[00:50:12] help, that it's a powerful tool. When you ask for help. I mean, I, I remember being in a wheelchair.

[00:50:21] And, you know, having to try to transfer up into an SUV from the wheelchair. And I would have to ask

[00:50:29] my friends, hey, this is what I need you to do for me, I need you to be there and stabilize the chair

[00:50:35] when I go up. And I've also been on the other side of that coin where, you know, they think that they

[00:50:42] know best what's best for us and how they're going to help us. And they're not there for us. Or they

[00:50:48] give me like a poor Johnny. And I'd like, I remember one of my friends did that to me giving me kind of

[00:50:54] like a poor Johnny on top of the head, patting my head. And I jumped up on my knees in my wheelchair.

[00:51:00] And I said, don't ever do that again to me. I said, don't you feel sorry for me. And I think

[00:51:07] that sports in losing a lot, in being defeated a lot, that there's a great strength that we can build

[00:51:17] up and almost like an impenetratable shield that we can put around our lives and say, no matter what,

[00:51:24] I'm going to keep rolling forward. I'm going to keep moving forward. I'm going to keep failing

[00:51:28] forward. As I said, I'm sorry if the audience is getting tired of that term, but there's no other

[00:51:34] way. Because if we lay stagnant, if we lay defeated, then something else is going to compound and that's

[00:51:43] just going to continue to grow. So whether you grow in a negative way or in a positive way or in an

[00:51:51] upward direction, and now that doesn't mean that you may take a tick up and two ticks back.

[00:51:58] But expect it and recognize. And that's what sports given me, the ability to do that. But that's,

[00:52:07] I think we all have sport because life could be a sport. We've all taken ticks up. We've had great

[00:52:13] days that where we feel like we're on top of the world. And then we've had these defeatist days

[00:52:18] where we feel that we're useless, we're worthless. We were a spectacle. We get into our own head and

[00:52:26] start ping ponging these ugly feelings and thoughts. And so as quickly as those thoughts come in,

[00:52:33] we have the ability to quickly let them go. And I think, you know, words have power and out of your

[00:52:40] heart. The mouth speaks, but our self-talk is critical. You know, I try to throw athletics

[00:52:48] aside here for a second. When I have my best days, I wake up number one in gratitude, in prayer. I then

[00:52:57] meditate and check out into a nothing space so that I'm ready for whatever life throws at me that day or

[00:53:04] however I may be feeling that day. Then I listen to usually some affirmation music, some positive

[00:53:10] music, some worship music. And then I start to do my yoga routine straight in my bed without my

[00:53:17] prosthesis. I throw on Cassandra 10-minute yoga that just wakes up your body and gets you going. And now

[00:53:24] I'm ready to take on whatever it is. I think so many of us, we get up and we jump onto our phones

[00:53:30] or we jump onto our email and we jump onto this and that. How do we stand a chance if we don't do that?

[00:53:37] Now, I don't do that every day. I wish I can sit here and tell you, yes, I do. I'm that disciplined,

[00:53:43] but I'm not. You know, sometimes I'm extremely lazy. And that's okay too. You know, so long as we

[00:53:52] learn to take a break from ourselves and give ourself a break and say, it's okay. There's tomorrow.

[00:53:59] There's the next minute. There's the next hour, whatever it may be. So that would be, you know,

[00:54:06] in length, the answer.

[00:54:09] It's a great answer.

[00:54:12] And it's very, yeah, it's a great answer and it's very wise. And I so appreciate your transparency.

[00:54:19] And it's all very, you know, powerful kind of stuff. I mean, your life is a testament to

[00:54:25] resilience and strength. And, you know, everything that you've gone through is just extraordinary. And

[00:54:33] we can all learn so much from, you know, Eric and, you know, his many, many endeavors as a human.

[00:54:43] Um, I want you to, uh, plug the book so we know where to get it.

[00:54:50] Sure. So the book crystal clear, you can get on Amazon. Um, you can also get, uh, six below the

[00:54:58] book on Amazon as well. However, they took our, the author and my, uh, myself writing the raw writing

[00:55:06] that we submitted to the first publisher and they didn't vet through it. So I would recommend getting

[00:55:12] crystal clear as opposed to getting, uh, six below because it has like 20, 25 grammatical

[00:55:17] mistakes in it. But yet if you're an educator or you want your kids to, to point out, um, you know,

[00:55:23] it's a great read for kids, how quickly life can change and change forever by going down the wrong

[00:55:31] path in life. And it's always the same result with, uh, drugs and alcohol is, uh, you know,

[00:55:38] you find yourself at the end of yourself very quickly and hopefully quickly and hopefully not

[00:55:43] dead. But, uh, yeah, that you can get that also on Amazon and some of the streaming channels.

[00:55:50] There's the, the, the movie six below miracle on the mountain. Again, it stars Josh Hartnett and,

[00:55:56] uh, is, uh, you know, it's something I'm proud of because it's, it's, it's, it's interesting.

[00:56:02] And it was a wave of emotions just to see, you know, your, your life story kind of play out

[00:56:08] on film. But, uh, yeah. And so I'm just, uh, looking forward to today. I'm looking forward to,

[00:56:16] um, the next phase of my life, which is, you know, and, and I look forward to continuously setting goals,

[00:56:25] uh, for myself. One goal that I have set is whether it's in 2026 or whether it's in 2030,

[00:56:32] I hope to be able to, uh, compete in the Paralympics in border cross and make that, uh, initial, uh,

[00:56:42] goal of reality.

[00:56:43] That's fantastic. Fantastic. Yeah. We'll be, we'll be, uh, looking out for that for people that want to

[00:56:50] follow Eric Lamarck, please do so, uh, check out his book, check out the movie I had mentioned to

[00:56:56] you. I, I cried like a baby. I mean, I, when, you know, when you were in those last moments,

[00:57:05] uh, you know, waiting to be rescued and, you know, literally clawing your way up a mountain and

[00:57:14] just fighting for your life, we've, we've all, you know, anyone that's experienced trauma,

[00:57:21] especially people in the amputee community know that feeling of, you know, how do I find the

[00:57:27] strength, you know, to, to survive. And that was, um, very powerful stuff for me. So, uh, I feel very

[00:57:37] fortunate to have met you, to know you, to consider you a friend and for you to be able to share,

[00:57:43] um, all of, all of your wisdom and all of your experience with the audience today. Eric Lamarck,

[00:57:51] thank you so much. My name is Rick Bonkowski. This is the Amped Up to 11 podcast, and I want to

[00:57:56] wish everyone health and happiness, and we will see you next time. Thanks.