Strength Beyond the Scale - Mark Ksobiech

[00:00:00] This is the Amped Up to 11 Podcast, where we go beyond limb loss and into the stories of resilience, reinvention, and raw humanity. Today's guest, Mark Ksobiech, lost his leg and shed over 200 pounds, but his real transformation happened on the inside. In this episode, we dive into the mental battles, the quiet wins, and what it really means to keep beginning again. Mark doesn't just want to wear a prosthesis, he lives in it, and every choice he makes is part of becoming something stronger.

[00:00:30] This is where the real work happens. This is the Amped Up to 11 Podcast. Hey everyone, we've got Mark Ksobiech here today. Mark, how are you this morning? Doing very good, Rick. Thanks for having me. Oh, it's an absolute pleasure. Welcome. Welcome to the Amped Up to 11 Podcast.

[00:00:54] And I really appreciate you, uh, willing to come and bare your soul, as we say in the podcast world. Right out of the gate, let's talk about, I have a two-pronged question. When did your weight loss journey start, and what have you lost to date?

[00:01:20] Um, my weight loss journey started about almost six years ago now. Um, it was after the amputation. That's when I gained, I was always kind of a little bit heavier, but, uh, I gained a lot more after the amputation. You know, just depression and drinking and all that. But to date, to date, I've lost a little over 260 pounds. Holy cow. Yeah, you, you, you lost a, uh, a good-sized man.

[00:01:48] It's a good person. It is. It is. I got that monkey off my back. It's incredible. And, you know, weight loss, just as a discipline, you know, amputee or not, it's hella challenging, man.

[00:02:05] It's tough. And whether you're trying to lose, you know, 250 pounds or 25 pounds, it can be incredibly difficult. And I'm no stranger to that struggle. I, I, there have been times where I, you know, I set fitness goals for myself.

[00:02:28] And as I'm getting older, it's harder and harder to shed the weight that you want to and do it in a way that's healthy. Which, which, which from what I can tell, based on your social media and the kind of kudos that you're getting, you're doing it right. And I appreciate how forthcoming you are in what a lot of people, you know, consider to be a very vulnerable space.

[00:02:57] When we start talking about things like body image, because let's face it, becoming an amputee is hard enough. Now, dealing with the fact, like you just mentioned, hey, and then I put on a bunch of weight and then it became, okay, how am I going to reverse that process?

[00:03:23] And not just reverse it, but master it in a way. Okay. So I think where I want to start with you is what was the turning point for you when you said, all right, enough's enough. Like, I, I've got to fix this. I'm an amputee. How am I going to get off this necessary weight? When was that moment for you? Or was it a series of moments?

[00:03:52] There was actually two triggers that really, that really stand out to me that I can remember. One was on the side of my son's football game, watching one of his games on a Saturday morning, sitting in my scooter. Cause I couldn't, I literally couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without excruciating back pain. And I, you know, never, I didn't know if that was between all the amputation, hip alignment, you know, all that. It was all the weight, everything, any problem I had ended up being the weight.

[00:04:17] But, um, and I just, you know, I was looking across the field and I saw dads playing with their kids and, you know, just being, being active dads. And I wasn't. And then I, you know, that's just thinking about, I'm like, you know, as the man of the house, I can't even protect my family right now. How pathetic is that? You know, so it was, that was a big moment. And then another moment was after, uh, see, I lost my, uh, I lost my foot due to a charcoal foot. You, you might've heard of that. Oh, absolutely.

[00:04:47] And it wasn't, wasn't diabetes. Was there anything like that? Yeah. Charco, uh, charcoal could show up for a lot of reasons, but yeah, I am familiar. I am familiar with the disorder. Um, I still have, you know, my, my doctor, the VA still, still tells me, oh, you're going to lose another foot. You're going to lose it. But I lost this foot. And then, you know, I, I went back to work. I was a maintenance mechanic for 27 years. Love what I did. And then the other foot started falling apart too. So they had to fuse that and put a plate in there.

[00:05:15] And after surgery, I was trying to transfer myself from my bed to my wheelchair, like literally just enough, just slide my butt off of it. And I was so heavy and so out of shape. I could barely, you know, I'm watching my, and my dad's watching me and my wife's watching me. And I could barely just like slide myself off the bed under the wheelchair. And it's, those are the two moments that stick out, you know, in my, in my mind, like, uh, front and center.

[00:05:42] And that's really when I decided like, it's like, I gotta, I gotta do something here. This is, this is no way to live. Yeah. And I think a lot of people go through, you know, similar experiences. There's that, man, something's got to give here kind of moment. And we're all challenged in terms of mobility when we become amputees.

[00:06:06] And there are so many people in this community that, you know, end up with amputations due to, uh, let's, let's, let's say, um, you know, circulatory types of disorders. Um, you know, diabetes is obviously a very, you know, ranks very high as far as amputations.

[00:06:28] And often when people enter this particular community, they're not in the best of shape physically to begin with. So you're sort of starting at a massive disadvantage, which, you know, really, really sort of stacks the deck against you.

[00:06:51] And do you feel like, you know, now that you're, you're in a very much healthier space, do you feel like thriving as an amputee could be considered largely, largely dependent on increasing your fitness level,

[00:07:13] finding your best self physically in order to make all of the normal challenges of being an amputee work for you? A hundred percent. I think that our personal health, I mean, now that I've experienced both sides of it, has, it has that tremendous impact on, on how everything goes.

[00:07:36] I mean, even one thing I've noticed with my weight loss journey is I'm also alcoholic, uh, sober four and a half years now. Congratulations. You know, through, thank you. Through my experience with AA and my health journey, it doesn't matter. Like the people that, you know, quit drinking, but yet don't take care of themselves. They never truly feel good, not about themselves, not about anything in those.

[00:08:04] And, and, and they're very, very likely to relapse. Like relapse is a very, I'd say more people, a lot more people relapse than don't. So, um, I would just, yeah, I would have to say that everything hinges off of, I mean, I mean, how you feel like if you invest in just in yourself, which is, you know, like you said before, it's hard to help journeys, hard. It's hard to tell us like laundry. Okay. It's, it's never done. Uh, but if you can do that, you know, so many people worry about, well, I got to take care of this person. I got to go to that person.

[00:08:35] I got to hear this person first. If you take care of yourself first, you will be able to do that job. Take care of that, that person first. You will show up better for your wife and your family and your kids. I mean, everything just it's a snowball effect. If you just focus on take care of yourself first. Yeah. And I so often talk to amputees, you know, new amputees and I'll just come right out and ask them, Mark. I'm like, what's your fitness level like right now?

[00:09:04] And they're like, what do you mean? I'm an amputee. I'm like, no, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about. What were your lifestyle choices before you became an amputee? How active were you? And I don't mean were you training to be, you know, an Olympic athlete. I'm just talking about what was your daily activity. Did you go for walks? Did you, you know, park further away from the building so that you could walk in?

[00:09:34] Did you ever ride a bike? Did you go to the gym once in a while? Did you participate in activities that created an active lifestyle? And I've been sort of, you know, questioned like, well, why are you asking me that? And I'll just be really honest and say, because that is a huge predictor of how this is going to go for you.

[00:10:00] Because if your general health already, let's say, is a little higher on the spectrum, there's a very good chance that your outcomes will be good. But if you're very low on that spectrum, you're going to struggle. You are going to struggle. And you are a testament, you know, to that struggle.

[00:10:24] Because you became an amputee, you know, you developed a terrible chronic illness that took part of your body.

[00:10:34] And I'm guessing that maybe given, you know, substance abuse, given all the mental challenges of becoming an amputee, you sort of went into an even darker space, gained weight, gotten to sort of a, you know, this is going very terribly for me and is going to continue to go terribly for me.

[00:10:58] But then you had those light bulb moments, you know, and thank goodness you listened. And you're that intuitive voice, right, we always have, that goes, yeah, man, you got to do something about this. You got to do something about this, right? Because we all hear it. The question is, do we listen? Or do we just tune it out? Like, stop talking to me. I know.

[00:11:27] I already know that. And you listened. And look at yourself now, you know, this many years later, and you're serving as light and support for the community. And people are seeing your progress, and they're celebrating it.

[00:11:48] And I'm sure you've inspired plenty of people to get back on whatever horse they had gotten off of, and they're seeking out their best selves again. And how does that make you feel when you hear those stories? That fills my cup.

[00:12:09] Like, when I, like, you know, work with my clients, and, you know, even if you're just following my page and we're not working directly, you know, I get messages all the time about how I've, you know, impacted somebody or motivated them. And honestly, that's what continues. I mean, that's why I continue to share and live out loud. I mean, even when I had, you know, the surgery and took my shirt off, it's like, you know, I've never done any of that stuff before. And, you know, if I keep this stuff to myself, who's it, I mean, who's it going to help?

[00:12:38] And it's been just, I mean, so life-changing. It's life-changing for everybody. But us as an amputee community, the lighter we are, the better everything's going to be. I mean, I remember when I first, you know, when I first got fitted, there was like one or two feet that would support my weight. You know, so the selection of, you know, feet and just sockets and, you know, you name it, just kept opening up more and more and more.

[00:13:04] I mean, the lighter I got, you know, just the mobility and the options there for me because of, you know, there wasn't a weight restrictions on everything. It's, yeah, I mean, it's... I would imagine that your residual limb has probably gone through just an unbelievable transformation.

[00:13:21] Given just the normal progression, which all amputees go through, but the fact that you experience such a, you know, dramatic amount of weight loss, I'm sure you look back and go, wow. Like somehow I fit that leg into a socket. And now I've got this leg, you know? Sorry, I wish I would have saved it.

[00:13:48] But my first socket, I remember when they handed it to me, it looked like you put a five-gallon bucket on the end of a pole. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's not like any prosthetic I've ever seen before. Yeah. And now my prosthetic looks like a prosthetic, doesn't it? I just, I wish I would have saved that just for, you know, visual purposes. Yeah, it's another great, you know, split screen before and after kind of shot. Yeah, yeah. Here's where I started. Here's where I am now.

[00:14:18] And you probably look at your prosthesis now and you think, gosh, like this thing is tiny compared to what I was donning before. And I would think... I could probably fit this one inside the other one. Well, yeah. Yeah.

[00:14:30] And I would think just managing fluid as someone in that weight category has got to be very, very difficult because, you know, there's always the challenges of fluid transfer when we become new amputees. But I would think, you know, given the size of your limb, you know, because as humans, I mean, we're predominantly made of water.

[00:15:00] And a lot of that tends to shift once we start, you know, jamming our limbs into these very confined spaces, right? Because the body adapts and like figures out like, okay, I guess I'm in here now and I'm just going to sort of reshape myself. But I would think for someone that size, that's tricky. I mean, that's...

[00:15:22] And, you know, kudos that you were even willing at that size to don a prosthesis. I mean, that... Because I'll be honest, I've met a few amps that are like, I can't. I just... It doesn't work for me. I just can't... I can't wear it. I can't walk in it. It's just... It's non-functional. So obviously, you...

[00:15:51] From the start, you have a lot of determination. Like even in this physical state that I'm in, oh, I'm going to do it anyway. You know, do you feel like that's something that might have led to your resolve in terms of weight loss? Oh, yeah. I can see a disbelief in a lot of people's eyes. Yeah. You know, and the thing I like doing is tell me I can't do something. You know, just like my doctor at the VA. I mean, I have...

[00:16:20] I see a private care that's actually the guy that saved my foot because with this original amputation, I was very badly lied to by some doctors and not trying to... Don't be bad at anything, but it was a bad circumstance there. So then when I found somebody that really, really cared, he's the reason I still have my foot. So I see him privately. And then I see the VA doctor just so I can get my inserts and whatnot. And it doesn't matter what changes I make. That guy still tells me I'm going to lose my foot. So, you know, just... You got to block that stuff out.

[00:16:49] You can't... You can't let people dictate how you're going to live. What's the thing... And what's going to scare you. Yeah. No, I appreciate that. What's the thing that surprised you most about being an amputee? Nobody has asked me that question before. I mean, did you have any of those like, what the fuck moments?

[00:17:19] Like, what on earth? Like, I never expected this. And that might even be out of the realm of physical. Because I know for me, a lot of my, you know, WTF moments were like mental. Well, if you think about it that way, you know, I have thought about it before where if it wasn't for this amputation, would I have lost all the weight? Would I be on this journey? Would I be on MRI?

[00:17:49] You know, maybe that's the driving force I needed to make all these changes and do all this. Yeah. Would I be on a podcast talking to the community right now? Yeah, exactly. I highly doubt it. I mean, I might even not be here. I might be dead by now. I mean, that's the track I was on. I mean, I was a plane in a death spiral. And, you know, for me to pull out of it. And I certainly didn't do it alone. You know, I have a credible wife and son, you know, that I got to set a good example for. Yeah.

[00:18:18] I have an entire health community around me supporting me. So, yeah, none of this stuff is ever done alone, I'll tell you that much. Yeah. And I think for me, there's all the normal kind of extraordinary things that happen to our bodies that we don't expect. You know, whether that's skin breakdown or, you know, phantom pain.

[00:18:42] Things that I guess we're told, but we don't necessarily understand until they're actually happening to us. And then it's like, oh, gosh, okay, this is what they're talking about. But I think some of the most profound moments for myself were very mental. They were very, like, gosh, I just didn't think I was going to feel this way.

[00:19:08] Or I didn't think that I would be this, whatever, embarrassed or this felt this vulnerable around people. Or conversely, felt this powerful donning a prosthesis. You know, there's all of these various sort of emotional triggers that suddenly arrive.

[00:19:35] And I think, wow, yeah, this whole amputee thing, it's kind of a wild ride. It's really interesting. And, you know, even talking about you being here today, I don't come from broadcasting. I don't, I didn't go to school for any of this. I did, I was a business person. I'm in sales and marketing. I, you know, I had a career.

[00:20:03] I, if someone would have said, you know, in my 30s, oh, yeah, you're, you'll be an amputee. And, you know, you'll, you'll be someone that's sharing other people's stories. And you'll be recognized in the community as a conduit for, you know, advocacy and blah, blah, blah. What on earth are you talking about? Like, that's just bizarre. Um, but again, like you said, here we are, right?

[00:20:33] In this space, sharing this space together and, and trying to get others on board and do good things. So, so for me, taking my own little personal spotlight and shining it on, you know, on you, Mark is, um, that's my mission.

[00:20:54] And as you're sort of moving into this position to be more of an advocate. So let's talk about the advocacy piece of this. What do you want to bring to the community? What, what is it when you put yourself out there, which I really appreciate you doing so.

[00:21:21] And obviously you caught my attention where I thought, oh shit, like this guy's doing some pretty incredible stuff. And so often I see people in that particular struggle with their weight. And a lot of times people don't want to talk about it. Maybe this is someone that's willing to do so, which is a huge service to this community. Moving into that advocacy sort of trajectory.

[00:21:52] I mean, what are you looking to accomplish in this space? Honestly, I want to change as many lives as possible. You know, cause I know there's so many people out there that, that are like me, you know, or that were like me. Uh, you know, just knew I had to make changes. Desperate to make the changes. Didn't know how, didn't have energy to do it. Didn't, didn't have any self-belief in myself whatsoever.

[00:22:18] You know, I've tried so many things, you know, I might've lost a pound or two at the end of the month. You know, or whatever, you know, it was, it was always nothing but for nothing but frustration. And by the grace of God, I believe my wife ran into a buddy who I haven't seen in probably 15 years before this started. And by the name of big Dan, he had lost all his weight. And I just said, dude, how'd you do it? Help me. You know? So it's, I mean, that's, and that was, and that was by chance.

[00:22:47] She just, you know, my wife just happened to be there that day. You know, if he would've called me, you know, said, Hey, you know, I'm doing this program, you know, this is, I've lost as much weight, you know, that's the thing. You know, so many people can, you know, strive to change themselves, but they keep, most people are afraid to share anything about it. You know, especially when it seems like, you know, their personal health, you know, it's just, they're just, you know, everything's under lock and key. Well, that just, that doesn't, that doesn't help and change anybody.

[00:23:17] You know, it's because somebody, you know, shared their story with me is why I'm standing here today or, you know, sitting here talking to you and, you know, in one of, in almost the best shape of my life, you know, minus, minus missing a leg, you know, and obviously I'm older, but that is, that's, that's, that's, that's my biggest goal.

[00:23:37] I just want people to know that, you know, they can do it and it doesn't, you don't have to, you know, another thing I was also under the assumption, you know, when I was at Vegas, I had to hit the gym. I had to work out. I had to, you know, that, that's how you lose weight. That's not how you lose weight. That's how you stay in shape. You lose weight by controlling what goes in your mouth. Yeah. Let's get in the weeds. Yeah. Let's get in the weeds on your particular, you know, regimen.

[00:24:05] And, you know, I always see a healthy lifestyle as exactly that lifestyle. When someone, when someone says to me, and you, and you could certainly disagree with this. When someone says to me, I'm on a diet, my immediate response is why? Because to me, a diet suggests I'm going to do this for a while.

[00:24:34] And then I'm going to go back to what I was doing before, which to me, I'm like, what, what exactly are you trying to accomplish? Well, I need to lose 50 pounds. Okay. But what's your long-term plan? Because a diet is not sustainable. This is just my opinion, and you can hate on me for it.

[00:24:57] I have always found that the healthiest people in my particular orbit have what is referred to as a lifestyle. They live it. They eat in a way. They play in a way. They work in a way. They live their lives in a way that leans into good health practices. And I'm not talking about going to extremes.

[00:25:24] I'm not talking about, you know, going to the gym six days a week. And, you know, I'm not talking about like Mark Wahlberg shit, you know, that you see online and you just think like, I'm not getting up at 3 a.m. to, you know, work out in my, you know, in my, you know, million-dollar gym in my basement and yada, yada. Um, I'm just talking about best practices in health.

[00:25:54] And like you just said, what are you putting in your mouth? And I'm always fascinated by these people that transform themselves, like in Hollywood, right? You know, these like, uh, these like action hero types. And whenever you start to really do the research on how they end up looking as good as they do, right? On camera. All they ever talk about is food. They're like, it's 80% food.

[00:26:24] And 20% getting in the gym. And I think, oh my gosh, it's crazy. And that's what they get into. So tell me, and I'm sure this has evolved over years. Tell me what you'd say to me. I come to you today, Mark. I lose a hundred pounds, man. I'm, I'm struggling. I'm just, I'm struggling to get out of bed in the morning. You know, what, what, what advice can you give me?

[00:26:56] Well, first off, I agree with you a hundred percent. As far as what you were saying before about, you know, being a diet. Now, the fact of the matter is everybody's on a diet. Show me your credit card statement. I'll show you what kind of diet you're on. But yeah, it's, it's lifestyle change. You've got, you have, you have to change the habits. Uber eats. Exactly. Exactly. Frequent flyer on the DoorDash program. Yup. A lot of people. Convenience. Now, you know, don't have time.

[00:27:27] It's yeah. I mean, anybody that, you know, comes up and, you know, just out of the blue, ask me, you know, then we just, you know, good. And I'll just ask why, you know, what are you looking, what are you, what are you ultimately looking for? Because I don't, if you're looking for a diet, this is the wrong journey for you. This is the lifestyle change, plain and simple. I mean, if you can, and if, can you eat a snack and drink water? Can you do that?

[00:27:54] You know, cause if you can do that, I can show you a different way. I mean, that's the nuts and bolts of it is, you know, eating the right food and just keep yourself hydrated. But we're going to, we're, we're also going to surround you with a community of like-minded individuals that are going to support you and cheer you on, you know, the entire step, you know, plus you got me and my wife, Jen, health coach is with me. And we're just, I mean, we're your accountability partners. You know, a lifestyle change is hard.

[00:28:22] Working on your health is hard, you know, and you don't have to do it alone. We do it with somebody that can guide you, answer your questions and support you and help keep you accountable. Well, that makes a lot of difference in the world. And what do you feel like is the thing that you really pressed into in terms of food specifically? What were the things that helped you accelerate your progress? You know, because there is no magic bullet. You know, I get that. And everyone's different because all our bodies are different.

[00:28:52] All our metabolisms are different. And we all, you know, we all process food differently. And a lot of that is dependent on health. You know, our programming, let's say, from a DNA perspective. But for you specifically, what were the practices that you thought, wow, man, this really works? Like, I'm really thriving in this particular practice that I'm doing with food?

[00:29:19] Well, I found a company, thankfully, because I didn't know how to count macros and, you know, meal prep and all that. The company I use or the program I use is called Optivia. It's called the 501 plan. And what that is, that's just nutritionally balanced fuelings. I mean, basically, if you want to do this on your own, you can't. But it's just, it's a lot easier when you, especially with on-the-go, you know, everybody's on the fly. They want convenience. They want now. And that's what this gave me, but it also taught me how to eat in the process. Okay?

[00:29:48] We call them fuelings because that's just what you, that's what we call them. It's a tool we use to perfectly balance your nutrition throughout the day, get your body in a gentle fat burn, get you feeling really good, you know, eliminate the sugars and majority of the carbs. We don't eliminate all carbs because our body needs those. Okay? But now, like I said, that's just a tool. It doesn't teach you how to eat. So there's one meal a day I prepared. That's called the Leaning Green. It was five to seven ounces of lean protein in three servings of a healthy vegetable.

[00:30:15] You know, that was, that was like my hardest challenge in the beginning to this because it was easy. You know, I ate, I just, I would, whatever it was, I would just pick a fueling, eat it every two and a half to three hours, and then make my one meal a day and make sure I drank my water. You know, so once I wasn't really a believer, even though I saw my buddy do it, you know, you know, my health coach, when I had my, you know, conversation with him before I started, it's like, oh yeah, you're going to have all this energy. You're going to feel amazing. Your inflammation, your swelling is going to be done. And I'd say, yeah, bullshit.

[00:30:45] You know, I didn't, even though I saw my buddy lost all the way, I still didn't believe him. And for me, I started out on Monday by Wednesday. Most people had fat burn day four or five. I hit it on Wednesday. It was like, I remember like it was yesterday because of the first day. Then since I can remember that I actually wanted to get out of bed and do something with my life. So it was, it was a huge change. I felt that fat burn, uh, topped on the scale. The first week I lost 21 pounds. I almost popped out of my head in a week. I never seen like that, like in one week. Wow.

[00:31:15] Yep. Luckily I had, I had two scales because I had to buy another scale. Cause I was too fat for the other one to even work. I just got an error message. So when I lost it and then I hopped on the other scale, the other scale worked too. And it said the same thing. I couldn't believe it. You know, I was, I was a believer. I was a believer. I just, I started feeling good first month. I lost 43 pounds and that's when I just knew that like, I can do this. This is, this is possible for me now. Yeah. You know, so that's what I did. I borrowed that belief.

[00:31:43] My coach had at me that I didn't have in the beginning until, until I was able to believe in myself. Yeah. And what is nowadays, because you, you're obviously moving into more of just a, you know, like a maintenance plan, um, pressing into that, just healthy lifestyle piece. Uh, how often do you find yourself, um, working out or in the gym? I'm in the gym five days a week now. Every, every, every morning I dropped my son off at school. Uh, that's, that's how I start my day.

[00:32:12] Uh, but it's, but it's different because I'm working out cause I want to, not cause I have to, you know, it all, it all evolved. You know, it was, it was, it's, it's crazy how many times I see people over the years coming to the gym, sweating hard, working hard, putting in the work, and nothing ever changes. They'll go out, they'll do the workout and go out, reward themselves with a smoothie or, you know, a margarita or something like that. Yeah. I earned it. All that hard work. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:42] I mean, it's, it, it amazes me people are willing to work that hard. To fuck it up. They don't have to work that hard. Yeah. They don't, you don't have to work that hard at all. I mean, you don't have to go to the gym. Literally just watch what you put in here. You put the right thing in here, the way it'll melt off you, you'll feel amazing. And then you'll want to go to the gym. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. There's something about, um, mindset and momentum.

[00:33:06] And it's like, once you get into that really rigid space about, you know, treating your body well, man, you get really disciplined about not allowing those outside forces in like, no, I'm not, no, I'm not interested in that. That's not happening. And, you know, when I was younger and I was more in, in sales, I was always driving.

[00:33:37] Constantly, just from one appointment to the next. I was like a road warrior and God, I ate terribly. And it was just, you don't realize how, how well and how convenient our streets are lined with just literally thousands of fast food choices, um, that are so crazy convenient because

[00:34:03] it's like, you know, you lit and, and I'm not talking about peak hours. Cause we, you know, everyone that sat in, you know, the McDonald's drive-through at 1230 when there's like, you know, 18 cars trying to get in there. But I'm talking about when you're just buzzing around all day on sales calls and it's so easy to pull in, pull out your in and out in literally like two minutes flat. And you got, Hey, there's 2000 calories like ready to go inside of you.

[00:34:34] And when I think about it now, it's like, no, no way. Like that is just, it's poison. It's like going to hurt me. I'm not doing that. Um, so I do think that you're right. Once that momentum gets created, it's extraordinary to see your personal power shift. And then you realize like, I'm mastering this because so much of it was, was in my head before.

[00:35:04] Um, I want to talk a little bit about how you have, like you had mentioned, you know, allowing yourself to be really vulnerable in social media and, um, willing, you know, to show your body and let people understand, you know, what this has been like for you and struggle

[00:35:28] through that, but also to show that this is something to be proud of, to be able to, um, accomplish what you have. So, you know, getting into body image and when we become amputees, that's a huge component. The body image shift occurs.

[00:35:54] I, I have definitely struggled with, you know, my own body image and especially once I was back in the dating space, um, that was really, really tricky for me. Just having confidence, but for yourself, you know, going from your past life to now, you know, how, how do you view yourself in the body image sort of category?

[00:36:25] Night and day difference. You know, in the beginning it was, as a matter of fact, I got a post that scheduled, I, I, I'll schedule my posts because I knew we had this coming up, but it'd be dropping later today. Um, and it's the transformation of when I started and then before and after surgery. And I scout, I literally scoured all my pictures, Jen's phone, everything. I don't have a picture of me with a shirt off anywhere. You can't even find it.

[00:36:54] Um, so things change. If you, the more you work on yourself, the more things change. Cause I remember, you know, after the amputation, it was like my first, that was my first medical experience ever. I never had any, I was a healthy kid, you know, that I never had any first major thing happen. Hey, we're taking your foot. So, you know, it was big, big pill to swallow, but you know, I was in the beginning embarrassment.

[00:37:22] Um, you, you know, you notice everybody staring at you, even if they're not, you think they are. Um, and now through the years, uh, because I believe, because I worked on myself and invested in myself, I don't, I mean, do I still look in the mirror? Still think I look a little weird cause I'm missing a leg. Yeah. I don't think I'd ever go away, but now I don't care if people stare. Like I hear kids say robot leg. I'm like, yeah, they're gonna check it out. You know, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's a completely different mindset.

[00:37:51] I don't, I've accepted who I am and, and what my future is going to be. Um, but yeah, it's, I was in a very dark place. I mean, and that's, and everybody struggles with that. Well, I don't want to say everybody, but most people struggle with it. I think everyone that enters this community is, wouldn't choose it, let's say. And the ones, and the ones that end up opting, you know, for an amputation, that's usually

[00:38:19] after, um, a lot of long and difficult consideration. So it's, it's, it's not an easy bridge to cross for anyone, but I have never met a single amputee that did not have to evolve and change their mindset in some regard on how they were processing what the interactions they were having in the world were like, because it does

[00:38:49] change everything. It changes everything personally in your own personal space. And it also changes everything externally because now the world sees you different. And so much of how we manage that has to do with, okay, where am I at in that particular process in my mind? Where am I at with this? Is this ever going to feel normal?

[00:39:16] So to be able to challenge yourself, not only as an amputee with that, but also stare down, um, the weight that you knew you had to lose is, I mean, that's, that's a double whammy right there. I mean, that's not, that's not easy because people will talk about, you know, that kind of dramatic weight loss, um, all the time.

[00:39:44] And that in itself is a huge, is a huge triumph. Um, have you ever watched the, uh, the 600 pound life series? No, I haven't. Okay. So I I've seen it a few times. There's this, uh, I want to say it's on TLC, but it's a documentary format where they,

[00:40:08] they talk about these people that, um, you know, are 600 plus pounds and usually the, the narrative, it's somewhat similar in the sense that they, they kind of get into their personal lives. They go along with them on their weight loss journey. They recommend, um, you know, them to, uh, you know, a specific, uh, physician for weight loss, things like that.

[00:40:38] Um, but so often those situations, they're just absolutely desperate. I mean, they're so desperate. I mean, these people, I mean, for lack of a better phrase, they have no life. I mean, they are just shut down.

[00:40:58] Um, and I, you know, I would say managing the external, the looks, the stares, the, the judgment of being, you know, let's say in that, that kind of weight category, um, I would think is way harder than being an amputee because very often there is a faction, I think of the population

[00:41:23] that views amputees as, you know, kind of badass, like kind of strong, you know, have been through struggle, have been resilient. But I mean, let's face it, like people that are, that are overweight to that degree, there isn't a whole lot of respect attached to that. No. And that's unfortunate.

[00:41:47] Um, because usually the way this show is sort of built is it sort of funnels down to, okay, this, this is what kind of caused them to end up in that place. And it's usually something very painful and it might be from childhood. It might be through addiction. It might be through abuse.

[00:42:12] Um, there's something there because I don't think anyone like wants to live that life. No, not at all. So for you to put yourself out there, to talk about it openly, because like you said, these are sometimes like the lock and key, like the dark secrets that people don't want to talk about.

[00:42:38] I think that opens a door and it's very welcoming for people. So given that sentiment, um, how would someone go about, uh, engaging you and, uh, let's say, um, through advocacy or mentorship or coaching, you know, what is the message that you want to give to our audience to say, Hey, if, you know, if you want to talk to me, here's how you do it.

[00:43:11] You can really find me. Like I said, I mean, like I said, I'm, I share, I'm pretty loud. So whether it's, you know, Instagram or Facebook or, you know, look me up on, I guess there's no phone book anymore, but, uh, I'm pretty, I'm pretty loud. I'm pretty, I'm pretty easy to find. And, and I'm, I just want people to know that they can do it too. There's absolutely zero special about me. You know, I had people that believed in me.

[00:43:37] I made a decision and I just wanted to set my, I wanted to set my family up in my, and my kid up for success. You know, my son also, I mean, if it wasn't for me, he'd probably be huge too. Cause he also has a, you know, he's a bigger kid, but you know, he stays in shape and he's does the best he can because, because he's watching me. I was bringing all this junk into my house, you know, and, and not only be an amputee, you know, we're extra work, Rick, you know that. Yeah. Uh, it's, it's just doesn't, it doesn't matter.

[00:44:07] And, and, and as I age, I'm not going to, I'm certainly not going to get, things aren't I don't, I didn't, I didn't want to dictate my wife's life, you know, in our, in our, in our later years, I didn't want to make, you know, that, that she had to take care of me or do this. I mean, if something happens, you know, God forbid, you know, then, then we'll deal with that. But I didn't want her to take care of me or change her life or our future just because I can control what I put in my mouth. So, you know, that's find a why. Okay.

[00:44:35] You know, like, like I explained a couple of my wives, you know, not, you know, not feeling to transfer myself, not feel to protect my family, you know, not, not want to dictate my wife's future. You know, I want us to be able to live the healthiest future we can. Uh, and I just, I want people to know that they don't think literally there's, there's a special way to make the decision and don't, don't try to do it alone. You know, call me, call, uh, you know, you're a friend.

[00:45:03] Um, just take the first step. You know, it's, it's not, it's not about working out. It's literally about just, just learning, learning, learn what to put in your, in your body and feel it right. You know, if there's like, there's a million ways to do it on your own. You know, I use, I use out to be in the five of one cause, cause you know, it worked for me and it was simple and figured out. Um, and don't be afraid to invest in yourself either. That's, that's the biggest, that's the biggest excuse I hear is us too expensive.

[00:45:33] Oh, it's too expensive. It costs me $15 a day to change my life. I, you know, and I, I was guilty of the same thing when I first had my health assessment. It was still under 400 bucks to sign up, but that's, you know, a month worth of food. That's your coaching. That's everything, you know? So you don't spend money the rest of the rest of the month besides for your dinner. So I ended up saving money on program, but I still waited three weeks before I started because I was like, oh, it's kind of expensive. You know, I had the same mindset everybody else says. So my dad goes, you're an idiot.

[00:46:02] He goes, what's your truck payment? My truck payment was around the same back then, you know, three 54 or something there. He's like, so, so, so that payment's fine for a vehicle to get you to work and back, but you're not going to invest in a vehicle to get you to the rest of your life. You're a damn fool. And that's when I made, that's when I made the phone call. Good advice. Yeah, it was. He's got tons of good advice. So I just wish I had listened to all of it a lot earlier. Yeah, me too. I'm in the same camp. I'm like, oh, he was right. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. So do it.

[00:46:31] Pick up that thousand pound phone that everybody, that's, that's the hardest four letter word for everybody to get out of their mouth usually is help. Help. Yeah. Don't be ashamed. I asked for help. I didn't do any of this alone. I couldn't have done it alone. And you know, it goes, whether, whether, whether, you know, whether it's my health journey, whether it's the alcohol, you know, whatever it was, I needed help. Yeah. It's not below you to ask for help. You know, I always, I always think about a quote that really resonated with me, which

[00:46:57] was, you know, to master this life, you have to love yourself like your life depends on it. And that always sticks with me. And I, I really think, think that it's relevant to this conversation because think about how much we punish ourselves and we don't even realize we're doing it until we end up in a situation. Oh yeah. We are our worst own critics. Yeah.

[00:47:23] If we could just learn to talk to ourselves, like we talked to our friends or our family, you know, be a whole different story. For sure. I really appreciate you being here. I'm very much looking forward to getting this out to the audience. You know, the everyday amputees like yourself, the everyday warriors like yourself, you know, the everyday heroes, people that are just doing it and doing it well. Mark, thank you so much.

[00:47:55] And best of luck to you. Please don't be a stranger. My name is Rick Bonkowski. This is the Amped Up to 11 podcast. And that's going to wrap it up. I want to wish everyone health and happiness. We'll see you next time.